CCSS PAIP

Accountability - it is a word used a lot these days usually by someone wanting another person to take responsibility for a negative action.   However, in Domestic Violence, accountability has its own purpose.When someone is victimized, the person who perpetrates the victimization often uses blame, minimization and denial to dismiss his actions. As an example, someone might push his partner causing them to fall backward and hit their head.Blame would be saying "You shouldn't have gotten me so angry." Or "you came so close I was just trying to get you out of my space." Minimization is wording such as "you are being too dramatic.  It's only a little bump.  How do I know that bump isn't from something else? And denial would be "I didn't push you, you tripped. You threw yourself into the object just so you could tell people I did it. Those who perpetrate domestic violence often feel shame and fear of the consequences if their actions are fo...

How to help your child heal December is a traditional season of holidays and family. Advertisements, holiday television specials and cards show scenes of children with glowing faces; brightly lit Christmas trees surrounded by wrapped packages; and Christmas carols echo from every radio and store sound system. But for children exposed to domestic violence, the holiday season may be just another reminder that things in their home do not mirror society’s image as a happy holiday season. While statistics may indicate actual domestic violence calls to hotlines and police departments may drop due to continued close proximity of the abuser and his family; experts believe the actual acts of violence may increase. Add to that the 2020 pandemic’s impact on shelters, activities outside the home; and lack of victims’ interaction with those who might offer support or help, and in fact, pile onto this already stressful time for a family facing domestic violence. Experts also tell us that 50% of all ...

  Imagine having the power to simple think someone into doing what you want, convincing them they are never right.   You are always the expert and there will be dire consequences if they do not follow your every whim, wish and demand.   Coercive control is a pattern of behavior that seeks to take away the victim's liberty or freedom, to strip away their sense of self. It is not just a person’s body that is violated but also their human rights.  And while most folks focusing on domestic violence think about things like striking another or strangulation, Coercive control , is not primarily a crime of violent action, but rather the crime of stealing another person’s freedom and autonomy. Coercion  occurs when a partner claims they're more knowledgeable or have your best interests at heart. They might explain that they're only trying to help, or they are looking out for the other person, but in reality, they are attempting, and often succeeding at, taking away...

A wise man once said you should never listen to the internal thoughts you tell yourself when you are upset or depressed.  The thinking behind that is that there are times when humans can be their own worst enemies.  During these times, we sometimes tell ourselves things that can be unhealthy. One such negative is a cognitive distortion . Cognitive distortions  are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn't true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions — telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves . Listed below are fifteen commonly used cognitive distortions.  1.       Personalizing - The process of making everything about yourself. 2.        Polarizing Thinking- The all or nothing process. You must be perfect, or you feel like a failure. 3.        Gen...

Everyone knows what shame feels like.  And no one likes it. Just the word, shame, alone can be highly charged.  According to the dictionary, shame is defined  as a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by an awareness of wrong or foolish behavior;  used to reprove someone for something of which they should be ashamed; a regrettable or unfortunate situation or action or a person, action, or situation which brings a loss of respect or honor. Shame is a painful mix of regret, dishonor, and self-loathing.  The feeling comes from someone who feels flawed, inadequate, wrong, bad, unimportant, undeserving, or not good enough.  Shame, however, is not altogether bad. In fact, without it, society would not be able to regulate behaviors to socially acceptable norms. Fear of shame historically keeps society intact as individuals wish to avoid the disapproval of others.  Even when individuals don't feel a personal responsibility for thei...

  A study conducted by Monash University in Melbourne, Australia, found   infidelity  may have more in common with physical and psychological abuse than anyone has previously thought. Graduate students conducted interviews with individuals affected by extramarital affairs.   Study findings indicate unfaithful partners share many of the same characteristics as abusive partners. The cycle of events and reactions is similar in both. In both cases, a partnership may experience a build-up of tension, followed by the introduction of pain (either abuse or unfaithfulness), followed by a short period of guilt and reconciliation, which may include a short resolution period, after which the cycle starts again with renewed tension. As with abuse, cheating can become a habitual pattern in a relationship, possibly compounding the emotional trauma it creates. This pattern mirrors the cycle of violence experienced by domestic violence victims. Unfaithful partners show little...