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Accountability is the first step to healing

Accountability - it is a word used a lot these days usually by someone wanting another person to take responsibility for a negative action.   However, in Domestic Violence, accountability has its own purpose.When someone is victimized, the person who perpetrates the victimization often uses blame, minimization and denial to dismiss his actions. As an example, someone might push his partner causing them to fall backward and hit their head.Blame would be saying "You shouldn't have gotten me so angry." Or "you came so close I was just trying to get you out of my space." Minimization is wording such as "you are being too dramatic.  It's only a little bump.  How do I know that bump isn't from something else? And denial would be "I didn't push you, you tripped. You threw yourself into the object just so you could tell people I did it. Those who perpetrate domestic violence often feel shame and fear of the consequences if their actions are found out.To that end, it is in their best interest to downplay the results to avoid those consquences.They also sometimes report alcohol or drugs caused the action, rather than their own choices.  They may say (and believe) it wouldn't have happened if they weren't using narcotics or drinking.Or they might claim black outs which cause them to not be able to recall, thus freeing themselves of responsibility for the violence.However, there are flaws in all these defenses.When blaming, the perpetrator still makes a choice to hurt rather than de-escalate or walk away.When minimizing, he or she downplays the injury - both physical and emotional, his or her victim feel. When denying, he or she is robbing the victim of her ability to trust her own senses.  All of these things are further types of abuse.As for alcohol and drugs; we all, unfortunately,  know people who have struggled with alcoholism, addiction and, in some cases, mental illness. However, most do not use violence as a means of power and control.  And many of those who recover from drug or alcohol use continue to abuse regardless. Whatever the excuse, healing down a path of a non-violent lifestyle cannot begin for the perpetrator until he or she takes accountability for their actions.

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