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Coercive Control: Hard to See But Easy to Feel

 

Imagine having the power to simple think someone into doing what you want, convincing them they are never right.  You are always the expert and there will be dire consequences if they do not follow your every whim, wish and demand. 

Coercive control is a pattern of behavior that seeks to take away the victim's liberty or freedom, to strip away their sense of self. It is not just a person’s body that is violated but also their human rights. 

And while most folks focusing on domestic violence think about things like striking another or strangulation, Coercive control, is not primarily a crime of violent action, but rather the crime of stealing another person’s freedom and autonomy.

Coercion occurs when a partner claims they're more knowledgeable or have your best interests at heart. They might explain that they're only trying to help, or they are looking out for the other person, but in reality, they are attempting, and often succeeding at, taking away freedom.

A person may exert control by deciding what someone wears, where they go, who they socialize with, what they eat and drink, and what activities they take part in. The controlling person may also demand or gain access to the partner’s computer, cell phone, or email account.

The perpetrator may also try to convince their partner that they want to check up on them for safety reasons.  However, this behavior is neither healthy or loving.
Financial control occurs when a person controls someone’s access to money, does not allow them to make financial decisions.  This type of control is usually used to weaken the victimized partner so they do not have the resources to leave the relationship.
A controlling person may try to get their partner to cut contact with family and friends so that they are easier to control.  This behavior also limits the likelihood others will find out about the behavior.  The person exerting control may prevent the victim from going to work or school.
Another form of mental control is the insult.  Insults serve to undermine self-esteem. This may involve name-calling, highlighting a person’s insecurities, or putting them down.  This behavior is particularly effective when done in front of others. Eventually, the person experiencing this abuse may start to feel as though they deserve the insults.
Threats can also be used as coercion. A person trying to control their partner may threaten to hurt themselves or someone else if their partner tries to leave or release sexually explicit images or personal data online.
The controlling person may also break household items or their partner’s sentimental belongings in an attempt to intimidate and scare them.
Sexual coercion occurs when the perpetrator manipulates their partner into unwanted sexual activity. They may use pressure, threats, guilt-tripping, lies, or other trickery to coerce them into having sex.
The controlling person may use children or family pets as another means of control. They may do this by threatening the children or pets, or by trying to take sole custody of them if their partner leaves.
In some countries, such as England, coercive control has recently been deemed a criminal offense.  However, in the United States, coercive control is not currently illegal unless it occurs in conjunction with physical assault.
In the United States, our court system relies on physical evidence to produce a finding of guilt.  However, since many forms of coercive control do not leave marks, it is far harder to prove.
Despite this, coercive control is still abuse, and it can cause long-lasting trauma for those who experience it.

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