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Identifying Triggers for Bad Behaviors (PAIP Assignment for 5/6 and 5/7)

   There is a good reason the small piece of metal on a gun and the event or action which causes us to instantaneously react to something are both called triggers.
Both can create bad outcomes and change situations for the worst in the blink of an eye.

In the Ted Talk of Judson Brewer: A Simple Way to Break A Bad Habit: https://youtu.be/-moW9jvvMr4, Judson discusses the human reward-based learning system in which our memories form habits.  We use this formula to feel a certain way; reach for a comforting act; and feel rewarded.

In a diet, we feel stressed, or angry, or hungry; eat a cookie; and feel satiated.

In our relationships, when we feel upset because we don't feel understood, or heard, or loved; we may act in a negative way; and feel good from the momentary release of energy.

Whether a cookie or a release of energy, we reinforce the behavior that a certain act i.e. eating, screaming, punching a wall or breaking a dish; is a great way to resolve a feeling.

Read the following narrative from our book Emotional Intelligent Batterer Intervention:

"She does this all the time.  I am not sure why I would expect it to be any different.  After I work all day, I get home and just want to relax.  She knows that I don't want to go anywhere after I work a long day. But, as usual, what she ants is more important than anything else.  She texted me early to tell me she wanted to go out and I told her that I was going to be tired.  I don't know why she cant just listen.  I do everything I am supposed to do.  I work long hours and I pay the bills. All she has to do is take care of me and the kids and the house.  Park of taking care of me is not making me do things when I am too tired.  So she got what she wanted and we went to meet up with her friends. I didn't even get a chance to eat dinner before we left and I could tell it wasn't going to be a good night as soon as we got there.  I was already annoyed that I had to be there and I felt like she didn't care about what I wanted.  As usual, she was being selfish.  All women are like that.  They think everyone has to cater to them.  If she told me she was too tired to go out, I would never make her go.  So I did what I usually do when she is being selfish; I just stayed silent.  Usually that works because she knows to leave me alone when I am silent.  That night I don't know what she was thinking but she just kept pushing me.  I was trying to keep my breathing steady, but I couldn't deal with her crap.  I didn't even want to be there and now she wouldn't even leave me alone.  I could feel my blood boiling as she kept making annoying jokes to her friends about me not talking.  I felt my fists tighten and my heart was pounding out of my check.  I just wanted to put my first through the table and I probably would have if we weren't surrounded by people.  So I kept it together and I gave her a look to tell her that she needed to stop before she went to far.  But that night she just wouldn't stop.  It was unbelievable.  I mean, I don't know what she expected me to do.  She drags me out and then she harasses me all night.  I told myself one more word and that was it.  That"s when she did that patting-me-on-the-head thing like I am her obedient dog, and I just lost it.  I grabbed her arm really tight and walked her out.  When I got her to the car, I let her have everything I was keeping in all night.  I was just so pissed that she always does this to me.  Aside from yelling, all I really did was push her a little.  I don't know what she was doing but for some reason her head hit the window a lot harder than I pushed.  She had a little cut on her head but I think it was from her throwing her head back.  I guess
her friends must have called the cops when I walked her out because they showed up right after that.  This never would have happened if she didn't push me to my limit."

After reading this and watching the video, answer the following form. 

Chris AC, MA, CDVP

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