How to Find Peace and Reduce Anger and Misery (PAIP Assignment for 5/20 and 5/21)

In last week's lesson, it was discussed that everyone feels anger. It is a normal human emotion.

But more than that, anger is a secondary emotion, sometimes brought on to cloak to disguise fear, shame, anxiety or depression.

However, once anger can be moved out of the way, other emotions may come to the surface and be dealt with.

Before taking a look through some ways to de-escalate the anger we feel, take a look at some of the things which don't work with the following YouTube video. https://youtu.be/FsRMjJJoy24

Now then, when you feel anger, stop, take a deep breath and count to five slowly. Examine what you are really feeling. Are there other emotions in the mix; issues that could be resolved if only they were addressed?

If that doesn't work, try this.

To kick anger to the curb, pay attention to the thoughts which fuel it. "Poor me" "Life Sucks," "How dare they treat me like this," are all phrases which fuel anger. Without fuel, a fire goes out.

Anger thrives on judgement, hostile thoughts, aggressive actions and images, labeling and revenge.

Compassion acts as a fire extinguisher. Learn to first apply compassion to yourself, them apply it to others.

Use statements of acceptance, instead of judgement; statements of acceptance instead of revenge; and statements of accountability instead of blaming.

Try these examples from our book "Emotional Intelligence, Batterer Intervention":

Rather than thinking "You are trying to piss me off." switch to "Sometimes people become aggressive when they feel angry."

Rather than thinking "You are so controlling, you have no right to tell me what to do" try, :This person may be feeling afraid right now and fear may lead to controlling behavior."

Rather than thinking "This is not okay, I can't just sit here and allow this to happen," try switching to "Sometimes things just don't go our way."

An easy way to create thoughts of acceptance is to begin a sentence with the word sometimes.

Now please answer the following questions using this form.

Chris Alcorn Catena MA, CDVP

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