Skip to main content

How to Find Peace and Reduce Anger and Misery (PAIP Assignment for 5/20 and 5/21)



In last week's lesson, it was discussed that everyone feels anger.  It is a normal human emotion.

But more than that, anger is a secondary emotion, sometimes brought on to cloak to disguise fear, shame, anxiety or depression. 

However, once anger can be moved out of the way, other emotions may come to the surface and be dealt with.

Before taking a look through some ways to de-escalate the anger we feel, take a look at some of the things which don't work with the following YouTube video.  https://youtu.be/FsRMjJJoy24

Now then, when you feel anger, stop, take a deep breath and count to five slowly.  Examine what you are really feeling. Are there other emotions in the mix; issues that could be resolved if only they were addressed?

If that doesn't work, try this.

To kick anger to the curb, pay attention to the thoughts which fuel it.  "Poor me" "Life Sucks," "How dare they treat me like this," are all phrases which fuel anger.  Without fuel, a fire goes out.

Anger thrives on judgement, hostile thoughts, aggressive actions and images, labeling  and revenge.

Compassion acts as a fire extinguisher.  Learn to first apply compassion to yourself, them apply it to others. 

Use statements of acceptance, instead of judgement; statements of acceptance instead of revenge; and statements of accountability instead of blaming.

Try these examples from our book "Emotional Intelligence, Batterer Intervention":

Rather than thinking "You are trying to piss me off." switch to "Sometimes people become aggressive when they feel angry."

Rather than thinking "You are so controlling, you have no right to tell me what to do" try, :This person may be feeling afraid right now and fear may lead to controlling behavior."

Rather than thinking "This is not okay, I can't just sit here and allow this to happen," try switching to "Sometimes things just don't go our way."

An easy way to create thoughts of acceptance is to begin a sentence with the word sometimes.

Now please answer the following questions using this form.

Chris Alcorn Catena MA, CDVP







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Seeing Green: Does Marijuana Cause Domestic Violence Or Not?

Does marijuana cause domestic violence or not? Well, let's start with the confusion. Wendy L. Patrick, Ph.D.  reported marijuana use is a risk factor for violence. Dr. Jordan Tishler stated that intimate partner violence is decreased by marijuana use. Dr. Ryan C. Shore y and a team of researchers over at the American Psychological Association announced that marijuana use is positively and significantly related with intimate partner violence. So, as we can see, this is a complicated matter with no easy answers. Right? Well, not so fast. Considering that we're in PAIP and that we're practicing personal accountability and self-awareness, when it comes to a matter with so many different opinions, we should possibly focus less on the research out there and focus more on what we have experienced in our own lives. Start with answering the following questions: Is marijuana causing conflict in your life? Are there arguments about your marijuana use or spending...
Post a Comment
Read more

China attempts "masculine" mandate

China is changing. A recent article in the NBC network on line addition discussed the case of a 13-year-old boy in Shanghai. Bu Yunhao was being bullied in his middle school, avoided on a class trip, called too girly and made fun of for the pitch of his voice when as class monitor he attempted to perform his duties. He was accused of spending too much time with girls and having alternative agendas when befriending boys. While Yunhao's classmates may have stopped bullying him, the Chinese government recently decided to define masculinity themselves. A recent announcement from the government states the government will “encourage masculinity” primarily by encouraging physical contact such as boxing. Authorities are also condemning pop cultural icons that don’t fit the prescribed mold while critics state they feel the government definition emphasizes what many consider to be outdated and damaging stereotypes for men and boys. According to an articvle published in NBC News "Boy...
Post a Comment
Read more

Domestic Violence Casts a Shadow Over Holiday Seasons

How to help your child heal December is a traditional season of holidays and family. Advertisements, holiday television specials and cards show scenes of children with glowing faces; brightly lit Christmas trees surrounded by wrapped packages; and Christmas carols echo from every radio and store sound system. But for children exposed to domestic violence, the holiday season may be just another reminder that things in their home do not mirror society’s image as a happy holiday season. While statistics may indicate actual domestic violence calls to hotlines and police departments may drop due to continued close proximity of the abuser and his family; experts believe the actual acts of violence may increase. Add to that the 2020 pandemic’s impact on shelters, activities outside the home; and lack of victims’ interaction with those who might offer support or help, and in fact, pile onto this already stressful time for a family facing domestic violence. Experts also tell us that 50% of all ...
Post a Comment
Read more