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Fatherhood in the age of Protective Orders




Parenting is tough; co-parenting is tougher.  Mix in an order of protection and co-parenting develops an even deeper level of challenge. 
All 50 states and the District of Columbia have some form of protection order statutes. In Illinois, they are called Orders of Protection. 
An Order of Protection may include many different provisions, such as:
  • No Contact: This provision prohibits calling, texting, emailing, stalking, attacking, hitting, or disturbing.  “No Contact” orders may also prohibit communication through a third party.

  • No Unlawful Contact: Such a requirement permits partners to peacefully communicate for limited reasons, including arranging care or visitation for their child. 

  • Stay Away: This type of order requires one party to stay at least a certain number of yards or feet away from the other person, as well as the other person’s home, job, school, and car. The stay-away distance can vary by state or the seriousness of the situation.

  • Move Out: This order requires one party to move out of the home the couple shared.  Most often the resident who remains in the home retains temporary custody of the child or children.  The court often uses this option to minimize the disruption to children while their parents work out a more permanent agreement.

  • Firearms: The type of order requires all firearms in the home be relinquished and prohibits one party from purchasing any additional weapons until the courts have decided a more permanent path forward.

  • Counseling:  This provision orders one or both parents to attend counseling, such as batterer's intervention or anger management, alcohol or drug addiction counseling, or parenting classes. 

Orders of protection may extend to children and have conditions for visitation and/or custody.  However, orders of protection cannot address child support issues or permanent custody arrangements.  Orders of protection are temporary measures meant to create safety.  In the case of individuals who share children, situations are then referred to family court.
Orders of protection may create confusion and complication when co-parenting is required if provisions such as those listed above are not explicitly specified.
In these situations, the first step in understanding how to develop a healthy relationship with your child or children is by understanding exactly what actions or interactions are restricted through your order.  When in doubt, speak with a legal professional.  Before assuming an action would be acceptable to the court, make sure.
Think about setting up communication through software such as Talking Parent, coParenter, SmartcoParent or WeParent.  All are available for iPhone or Android; these applications allow interactions while providing other benefits such as:
  • creating a detailed record of the interactions which take place
  • sending “read” receipts and time stamps 
  • setting calendars
  • allowing third parties such as pediatricians to also send messages
Find out through the courts if Facetime or Zoom are acceptable alternatives to seeing children when you cannot be with them physically.  As state lockdowns enter their second month, virtual visits may become a reality.
However, for children under the age of 10 or for children without access to technology that allows virtual visits, other creative measures must be taken.  If your child is too young to use media or if it is inaccessible due to orders barring contact with the custodial parent, write and keep a journal of things you will share with the child once you are able to see them again.
Research events, projects, trips or crafts that you may share in the future. The most important thing to remember in times such as these is that the most effective tool in maintaining a healthy relationship with your child is the will to do so.
For other resources, please check out www.fatherhood.gov.
Chris AC, MA, CDVP and SolEK MS, CFLE, CDVP



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