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BELIEVE in Early Warning Signs (PAIP Assignment for 4/29 and 4/30)


For some, defining domestic violence can be confusing. Some people unknowingly place themselves at risk because they dismiss red-flag behaviors.

As we dig into the foundations of emotional intelligence, we discover tools that can help us prevent violence from occurring. 

One such tool is the BELIEVE model.  We can use the BELIEVE  model to help us pinpoint r thinking and behaviors that are unhealthy, risky, or downright dangerous.

BELIEVE stands for Boundaries, Entitlement, Lies and Manipulation, Isolation and Intimidation, Expectations, Victim Stance and Eggshells.


In every unhealthy relationship there is a lack of boundaries. Boundaries are necessary  to outline areas of individual accountability and to provide very clear markers so that partners do not overwhelm one another. Boundaries also help prevent one partner from  smothering the other and inhibiting independence.


Entitlement occurs when one partner assumes that the other should do what is desired because the desirous partner deserves, or is entitled to, the treatment.

Lies and Manipulations in a relationship eliminate equity and mutual care and concern.  When one partner lies or manipulates another, that partner doesn’t respect the other’s boundaries nor cares about their goals and desires.

Isolation and Intimidation create a scenario in which one partner stays with another solely because of a lack of support or contact with others.  One partner may isolate the other from family, friends, co-workers, keeping the isolated partner totally reliant on the relationship. Threats can include taking custody of children, failing to provide housing or financial support, or causing people to think less of the survivor.

Expectations come into play when one partner sets the tone and goals for the relationship and threatens or intimidates the other into attempting to live up to them.  And oftentimes, expectations are set impossibly high.

Victim Stance is a situation in which the dominate partner sees himself as a victim.  This behavior also interacts with sense of entitlement as well as setting up feelings of failed expectations. 

The last word in BELIEVE – Eggshells – represents that dreadful, fearful feeling that something bad is about to happen.  It can cause a perpetual state of hypervigilance in which someone feels she or he is always on the edge of suffering another blow up.

Keep in mind, none of us are perfect. Using the BELIEVE model, think about when you have not respected boundaries, felt entitled, lied to or manipulated a partner, isolated and intimidated a partner, had unrealistic expectations, and then took the victim stance.

Knowing when we have committed the above behaviors or had unhealthy thoughts is an important step in realizing how we contribute to the conflict in our relationships.

Assignment (due: 5/2 by 8P):

 1) Read through the above definitions.
2) Make a list of occasions on which you have felt  the feelings or experienced the behaviors outlined in BELIEVE.
3) Make a list of occasions on which you have caused someone to have the feelings or experienced the behaviors outlined above.
4) Select items on your list and write down what emotions you were experiencing at the time of the occurrence.
5) Please answer the questions using this Google Form.

Chris AC, MA, CDVP and SolEK, MS, CFLE, CDVP

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