Skip to main content

Violence Across the Lifespan: A Story About How Childhood Domestic Violence Turns Into Adult Hardship

When a child hears their parents arguing, feels the hostility, and fears what may come next, getting that child back into a child's place (a place of safety, love, and protection and nurturing) requires a lot more than just the lowering of one's voice and using kid-friendly language.

Imagine it: you're small, near helpless, the two people you love and need more than anything else in this world are bickering at one another, saying things that you may not quite understand, but you can tell by the looks on their faces that their words are wounding them.

These two people that you love so much are attacking one another and quadrupling your injuries.

Your heart races. Your breathing becomes erratic. The tears come. The confusion overwhelms you. You're in a state of serious distress.

In your short little life, this scene plays itself out again and again. To the point that you try to even protect one of the parents. But then you are torn between the two when their fight is over because the  parent that you did not choose to defend feels like you're picking sides.

This scenario is acted out so many times that you lose count. Now you're hypervigilant, always on the look out for the next fight, and can never quite relax.

Years pass and you come of age. You start having conflicts of your own. You may or may not act out the way your parents did, but either way you experience the same distress that's been building up since childhood.

The slightest discomfort or fear that is associated with the trauma you witnessed sets off a cascade of biological reactions. Your chest tightens. You start having difficulty breathing. That stress response sets off another stress response then another. Eventually, this happens enough times that you develop a disease.

Now you no longer function according to your own individual healthy normal. Your ailment limits what you can do and the opportunities you can take advantage of. This saddens you, deeply saddens you.

Feeling helpless makes you feel powerless; feeling powerless reminds you of being a child; remembering being a child causes you to want to forget everything. You have a drink just for some relief.

Too much temporary relief without any real resolution turns into a very real habit.

Life tanks for you slow and steady. The ailments multiply. Your ability to cope diminishes.

What you have read is the life story of millions who have witnessed domestic violence as a child.

If there is violence in your home, please seek help.

-SolEK, MS, CFLE, CDVP









Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Seeing Green: Does Marijuana Cause Domestic Violence Or Not?

Does marijuana cause domestic violence or not? Well, let's start with the confusion. Wendy L. Patrick, Ph.D.  reported marijuana use is a risk factor for violence. Dr. Jordan Tishler stated that intimate partner violence is decreased by marijuana use. Dr. Ryan C. Shore y and a team of researchers over at the American Psychological Association announced that marijuana use is positively and significantly related with intimate partner violence. So, as we can see, this is a complicated matter with no easy answers. Right? Well, not so fast. Considering that we're in PAIP and that we're practicing personal accountability and self-awareness, when it comes to a matter with so many different opinions, we should possibly focus less on the research out there and focus more on what we have experienced in our own lives. Start with answering the following questions: Is marijuana causing conflict in your life? Are there arguments about your marijuana use or spending...
Post a Comment
Read more

China attempts "masculine" mandate

China is changing. A recent article in the NBC network on line addition discussed the case of a 13-year-old boy in Shanghai. Bu Yunhao was being bullied in his middle school, avoided on a class trip, called too girly and made fun of for the pitch of his voice when as class monitor he attempted to perform his duties. He was accused of spending too much time with girls and having alternative agendas when befriending boys. While Yunhao's classmates may have stopped bullying him, the Chinese government recently decided to define masculinity themselves. A recent announcement from the government states the government will “encourage masculinity” primarily by encouraging physical contact such as boxing. Authorities are also condemning pop cultural icons that don’t fit the prescribed mold while critics state they feel the government definition emphasizes what many consider to be outdated and damaging stereotypes for men and boys. According to an articvle published in NBC News "Boy...
Post a Comment
Read more

Domestic Violence Casts a Shadow Over Holiday Seasons

How to help your child heal December is a traditional season of holidays and family. Advertisements, holiday television specials and cards show scenes of children with glowing faces; brightly lit Christmas trees surrounded by wrapped packages; and Christmas carols echo from every radio and store sound system. But for children exposed to domestic violence, the holiday season may be just another reminder that things in their home do not mirror society’s image as a happy holiday season. While statistics may indicate actual domestic violence calls to hotlines and police departments may drop due to continued close proximity of the abuser and his family; experts believe the actual acts of violence may increase. Add to that the 2020 pandemic’s impact on shelters, activities outside the home; and lack of victims’ interaction with those who might offer support or help, and in fact, pile onto this already stressful time for a family facing domestic violence. Experts also tell us that 50% of all ...
Post a Comment
Read more