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Violence Across the Lifespan: A Story About How Childhood Domestic Violence Turns Into Adult Hardship

When a child hears their parents arguing, feels the hostility, and fears what may come next, getting that child back into a child's place (a place of safety, love, and protection and nurturing) requires a lot more than just the lowering of one's voice and using kid-friendly language.

Imagine it: you're small, near helpless, the two people you love and need more than anything else in this world are bickering at one another, saying things that you may not quite understand, but you can tell by the looks on their faces that their words are wounding them.

These two people that you love so much are attacking one another and quadrupling your injuries.

Your heart races. Your breathing becomes erratic. The tears come. The confusion overwhelms you. You're in a state of serious distress.

In your short little life, this scene plays itself out again and again. To the point that you try to even protect one of the parents. But then you are torn between the two when their fight is over because the  parent that you did not choose to defend feels like you're picking sides.

This scenario is acted out so many times that you lose count. Now you're hypervigilant, always on the look out for the next fight, and can never quite relax.

Years pass and you come of age. You start having conflicts of your own. You may or may not act out the way your parents did, but either way you experience the same distress that's been building up since childhood.

The slightest discomfort or fear that is associated with the trauma you witnessed sets off a cascade of biological reactions. Your chest tightens. You start having difficulty breathing. That stress response sets off another stress response then another. Eventually, this happens enough times that you develop a disease.

Now you no longer function according to your own individual healthy normal. Your ailment limits what you can do and the opportunities you can take advantage of. This saddens you, deeply saddens you.

Feeling helpless makes you feel powerless; feeling powerless reminds you of being a child; remembering being a child causes you to want to forget everything. You have a drink just for some relief.

Too much temporary relief without any real resolution turns into a very real habit.

Life tanks for you slow and steady. The ailments multiply. Your ability to cope diminishes.

What you have read is the life story of millions who have witnessed domestic violence as a child.

If there is violence in your home, please seek help.

-SolEK, MS, CFLE, CDVP









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