Lacking Empathy and Victimizing Others

Psychologist Paul G. Mattiuzzi, Ph.D graces us with this gem of knowledge: When we fail to empathize, we are prone to victimize others.

In abusive relationships, it is not uncommon for people to feel ignored, unheard, disconnected, and misunderstood.

Take a look at the empathy wheel above.

Being empathetic, like being in love, should be about action, very deliberate actions that are evidence of a true emotional state.

Have you ignored your partner's needs, refused to listen and believe your partner's feelings?

Within the context of empathy, to love someone means making an effort to know them better so that we may care for them better and understand them better.

Love is not just about getting our needs met; it is also about meeting the needs of others.

That is why within the context of empathy, being selfish, abusive, and cold is not and cannot be love.

And that is why within the context of empathy when we are unloving to our partners and there is a deliberate pattern of this behavior it is abusive.

Love should empower our partners and us to be our best selves. Love should not be a means by which we make excuses to abuse our partners.

Loving with empathy is essential for learning how to love without dysfunction.
-SolEK, MS, CFLE, CDVP

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