Skip to main content

Lacking Empathy and Victimizing Others




Psychologist Paul G. Mattiuzzi, Ph.D graces us with this gem of knowledge: When we fail to empathize, we are prone to victimize others.

In abusive relationships, it is not uncommon for people to feel ignored, unheard, disconnected, and misunderstood.

Take a look at the empathy wheel above.

Being empathetic, like being in love, should be about action, very deliberate actions that are evidence of a true emotional state.

Have you ignored your partner's needs, refused to listen and believe your partner's feelings?

Within the context of empathy, to love someone means making an effort to know them better so that we may care for them better and understand them better.

Love is not just about getting our needs met; it is also about meeting the needs of others.

That is why within the context of empathy, being selfish, abusive, and cold is not and cannot be love.

And that is why within the context of empathy when we are unloving to our partners and there is a deliberate pattern of this behavior it is abusive.

Love should empower our partners and us to be our best selves. Love should not be a means by which we make excuses to abuse our partners.

Loving with empathy is essential for learning how to love without dysfunction.
-SolEK, MS, CFLE, CDVP

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Seeing Green: Does Marijuana Cause Domestic Violence Or Not?

Does marijuana cause domestic violence or not? Well, let's start with the confusion. Wendy L. Patrick, Ph.D.  reported marijuana use is a risk factor for violence. Dr. Jordan Tishler stated that intimate partner violence is decreased by marijuana use. Dr. Ryan C. Shore y and a team of researchers over at the American Psychological Association announced that marijuana use is positively and significantly related with intimate partner violence. So, as we can see, this is a complicated matter with no easy answers. Right? Well, not so fast. Considering that we're in PAIP and that we're practicing personal accountability and self-awareness, when it comes to a matter with so many different opinions, we should possibly focus less on the research out there and focus more on what we have experienced in our own lives. Start with answering the following questions: Is marijuana causing conflict in your life? Are there arguments about your marijuana use or spending

China attempts "masculine" mandate

China is changing. A recent article in the NBC network on line addition discussed the case of a 13-year-old boy in Shanghai. Bu Yunhao was being bullied in his middle school, avoided on a class trip, called too girly and made fun of for the pitch of his voice when as class monitor he attempted to perform his duties. He was accused of spending too much time with girls and having alternative agendas when befriending boys. While Yunhao's classmates may have stopped bullying him, the Chinese government recently decided to define masculinity themselves. A recent announcement from the government states the government will “encourage masculinity” primarily by encouraging physical contact such as boxing. Authorities are also condemning pop cultural icons that don’t fit the prescribed mold while critics state they feel the government definition emphasizes what many consider to be outdated and damaging stereotypes for men and boys. According to an articvle published in NBC News "Boy

Domestic Violence Casts a Shadow Over Holiday Seasons

How to help your child heal December is a traditional season of holidays and family. Advertisements, holiday television specials and cards show scenes of children with glowing faces; brightly lit Christmas trees surrounded by wrapped packages; and Christmas carols echo from every radio and store sound system. But for children exposed to domestic violence, the holiday season may be just another reminder that things in their home do not mirror society’s image as a happy holiday season. While statistics may indicate actual domestic violence calls to hotlines and police departments may drop due to continued close proximity of the abuser and his family; experts believe the actual acts of violence may increase. Add to that the 2020 pandemic’s impact on shelters, activities outside the home; and lack of victims’ interaction with those who might offer support or help, and in fact, pile onto this already stressful time for a family facing domestic violence. Experts also tell us that 50% of all